Anxiety Help Blog

Depression and OCD seem to go hand in hand with anxiety disorder. As such, we very often discuss topics of depression and how harsh the world is. You will get no argument against the concept of a dog eat dog world. But I would argue that those constraints and limits we feel in our lives are brought on by man against man and rarely are brought on by nature.

Certainly, there are plenty of natural disasters. Floods, earthquakes and storms of all kinds can plague man, but this is the reality of living on a speck of dust that spins nearly out of control in the vacuum of limitless space. And when you consider the environments of other planets, our planet is about as calm and welcoming as you can find anywhere.

So when is the glass half empty and when is it half full?

I find that occasionally folks will do something nice when they themselves are not under pressure. And even when they are under pressure, some folks will rise to the occasion and even give their life for their fellow man. We have all heard the stories countless times. Just this past week, two Philadelphia firefighters gave their lives helping other folks in a burning building situation.

But even folks who are not faced with adversity will do things that are nice. Mick posted just such an event in a post below. And I see this regularly with friends and even folks I do not know. However, the TV news is expert in showing us that the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Their job is to sell news as a viable revenue to folks buying adjacent commercial time spots. And, as we all know, fear sells. So every negative human endeavor is clearly detailed on every news channel. And even events which are positive are often spun into a fear producing event.

“Jobless rate has dropped a full point” is spun into, “The jobless rate has not fallen as quickly as expected and we may go into another recession worst than the one experienced in 2008″

So TV news, no matter who presents it, is not a true representation of the world, and is in fact a representation skewed to promote fear so that their ratings rise and they can charge more for their commercial spots. So TV news is definitely a “glass is half empty” endeavor and probably should be avoided by any sane person especially those with anxiety problems.

So when is the glass half full?

Like I pointed out above, many folks left to their own devices, will do the right thing. And I consider that a “glass is half full” situation. But even more often, nature presents us with a “glass is half full” event.

One afternoon, while playing my 12 string on top of a ravine, at a camp site on the Skyline Drive, a butterfly began circling me. After a few moments, the butterfly settled on the end of the headstock of my guitar and stayed there for the next 4 or 5 tunes. I finally stopped and put my left hand forefinger out next to the butterfly and it jumped from the headstock to my finger and sat there. I examined the butterfly for a few moments and stuck my finger back near the headstock where the butterfly jumped back over and waited for the next tune. I obliged, and after a few more tunes, the butterfly had enough of my set and flew away.

I believe that if I had not been in the moment when this event had happened, I would not have even noticed the butterfly and the event would not have had any significance to me.

Then there was the time my 4 sisters (2 older, 2 younger) we not getting along (a serious understatement) and were not talking to each other. Of course, I get along with all of them and they were all coming to me to badmouth each other. At the same time, I was dealing with an Aunt who was agoraphobic and needed me to do everything for her (she lived 15 miles away). I was in a poor mood (even though it was a beautiful day like today), so I decided to take a time out and go to a local park with my Casio DH-100 digital saxophone.

After sitting down in a secluded part of the park, I started to play the digital sax and within a few minutes a small group of birds settled in front of me and stood there listening. After a couple of melodies, they began to sing. The Casio has a seriously big range and could play notes in the same range as the bird song (the Casio can even glissando from one note to another). So I decided to try and imitate their bird song. As soon as I got a close approximation, all the trees around me exploded in bird song. Literally hundreds of birds all started to sing at once (the experience was quite startling). We continued to “sing” together for another 15-20 minutes and then I got up and left the chorus feeling happier and not so concerned with the petty squabbles of my siblings.

I started the day with a completely empty glass and within minutes of hanging out with nature, had my glass overflowing.

So what is the point?

As folks who carry the burden of anxiety/depression/OCD disorders, it is part of our nature to see the darker sides of life. We find it easy to dwell in places other folks never visit or even consider. But by allowing ourselves to do these things, we also deprive ourselves of those events that lift us up. We avoid any credit that we, ourselves, my be able to change the world around us for the better. And by doing so, we allow ourselves to sit in dark places while pulling the shades down around us. We keep our glass, at best, “half empty”. And even the subtle beauties that the world presents us go unnoticed.

It’s Spring folks. Stuff is blooming all around us. We can do the easy thing and complain that our allergies are terrible and our eyes itch or we can go out and sit with the warm breeze to our face and take in the sweet smells of God’s green Earth.

Who knows, you may have a wonderful encounter with one of God’s creatures. And if that encounter is that you just got stung in the neck by a wasp, feel free to laugh out loud and give me the finger! The important thing will be that you were able to laugh at irony and at my hopeless optimism.

Procrastination is the behavior of putting off tasks that require effort and exposure to realms outside of our comfort zone. It is a very rewarding behavior, especially when the task is associated with feelings of anxiety. In our liberated society, procrastination, like any form of irrational avoidance, has become the oppressor of our own free-will and aspirations. We are clearly aware of the risks of delaying the task, yet the inhibition of our motivation to complete the task is stronger. This is especially true for people who suffer from anxiety disorders.

Here is a cognitive-behavioral method of reducing procrastination, which I call the “five percent method”:

Whenever you realize that you are about to be procrastinate, engage in the following self-speak:

OK, I will complete the entire task later, but right now I will work on just 5% of the task.

Following that self-negotiating process, the negative feelings associated with performing the task will be reduced, because your mind will be assured that it will not have to deal with the entire task in the immediate future. That is similar to the effect of procrastination. However, you condition that relaxation by the much smaller requirement of completing only 5% of the task in the immediate future. This type of relaxed cognitive restructuring is highly believable and it’s relatively easy to translate it into behavior, unlike “just do it” self-speak. The implication of performing 5% of the task is crucial: You will be exposed in a way which will demonstrate the irrationality of the procrastination and the over-estimation that preceded it. It will therefore reduce the inhibition gradually or even immediately after completing the “5%” requirement.

The figure of “5%” is of no special importance. It is perceived as a small enough part of the task to diminish the negative feelings (e.g. anxiety) to a level under which you will actually be able to convince yourself to do something, in contrast to doing nothing at all. The reason I suggest the use of “5%” in comparison to “a small part” or a “tiny bit” is that you can’t scale it down to nothing in your own mind. In more cases than not, the work done will be greater than just 5%. Just like my grandmother used to say: “With food comes the appetite”.

The very first thing you want to do is contact a doctor you trust.  This doctor may be your regular general practitioner or even a friend who is a doctor.  If you do not have such a doctor, then you should contact your local Mental Health Association or your local University Hospital.  These folks are on the cutting edge of therapies and will know who you should contact locally for help.  This is a common disorder and they will have dealt with it countless times, so do not be embarrassed in any way.

The next thing to do is lower your stress level.  Obviously, just having anxiety or panic attacks will drive your stress level way up so this is no easy feat.  But there are things you can do that will help to lower your stress level so that the attacks subside.

1. Avoid foods that cause anxiety including chocolate, MSG (a neuro-toxin “read your labels”), coffee (any caffeine), alcohol, fatty or greasy foods and certain cheeses (soft moldy cheeses like blue cheese)
2. Avoid activities that cause anxiety including, smoking (this includes marijuana and cigarettes), eating late in the evening, watching TV news, interacting with those people you find frustrating. violent or intense video games…etc.
3. Add positive anxiety reducers to your life including, meditation, exercise, massage, mid-day naps… etc.
4. Be good to yourself. This is often the hardest thing for an anxiety sufferer to do. Treat yourself with respect and kindness as you would a small child.
5. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Avoid catastrophic thinking and immediately trade negative thoughts with positive visualizations.  Pick a memory of a relaxed moment in your life and relive that memory every time a negative thought comes into your mind.
6. Be aware of your emotional boundaries and allow yourself to say no to any given situation if it is not a positive one for you.
7. Get help and stick with a plan of action.  The results are often slow and measured, but if you persevere, then you will get better and stronger.

Finally, this is a common disorder and you are not crazy. It is more like you have filled the jar (your brain) with too much concern (stress) and there is an overflow in the way of physical symptoms. Your body is telling you (forcing you) to slow down and relax. Listen to your body and change negative behavior into positive. Most of all, get help and accept help.

What a huge question.  It looks innocent enough, but under the skin of this query lies an answer that encompasses the population of the world.

In my 52 years of life, I have always been anxious.  As a child, I would make myself sick to my stomach when I had to go to swim lessons or guitar lessons.  Anytime I was going to be outside my comfort zone, I would automatically become nauseous.  When we would go out to dinner, I would need to order something plain that I had eaten dozens of times before.  And when we were all done eating, I would get antsy and feel like I needed to leave the restaurant.  I often found that I took things too literally and would easily become hurt when folks were joking with me.  As a teen, I worried about the future and regretted any mistake I had made.  I would often hang on to the negative thoughts that would pass through my head and not allow myself to enjoy the positive things I did on a daily basis.  This continued until I hit 30 years old and had a complete mental and physical breakdown.  During this time, I would awake in the middle of the night, shaking and sweating uncontrollably for hours on end.  During the day, I would experience terrible panic attacks that would leave me slumped on the floor, gasping for breath, heart pounding at a frantic pace, unable to see or hear, with my mind reeling with overwhelming confusion.  These attacks would occur as often as 10 times a day.

Finally, after seeing a dozen different doctors over a 3 month span, the last doctor said, “There is nothing physically wrong with you, you just need to relax!”.  Wow, how did I get here?

It was at this time that I needed to take stock of my life.  I needed to learn new ways to think and new ways to treat myself.  I first contacted a good local therapist and he helped me learn relaxation techniques to lower my stress level.  During this time, I made time to take a short nap in the middle of the day so that I could relax my mind every day.  I also looked carefully at my family and relatives and found that anxiety and depression ran deeply in both my mother’s and father’s families.  In addition, my childhood was riddled with terrible beatings and loneliness.  I would have probably gotten to this awful place even if my life as a child was perfect, but the combination was too much.  That is how I got here.

So the question remains for you.  How did you get here?  There are so many possibilities, but there are common ones.  You may have a family history of anxiety, depression, OCD or some combination of the three.  You see, these three disorder all work out of the same part of the brain and are closely linked.  You may have had some trauma, either physical, mental or emotional that has your brain making you feel anxious.  You may have developed this disorder all by yourself through an imbalance of brain chemicals.  It may be some sort of combination of the above or something altogether different.  But it is very important for you to find your own root cause of your anxiety/depression/OCD.  Because once you find the root cause(s), you can then work on coming up with the answers to your problems.

For me, the answers were to take an anti-anxiety medication for the genetic part of my disorder and to work with a therapist for the trauma I suffered as a child.  And I am doing much better, thank you.  In fact, I am a healthier person now than I have ever been at any other time in my life.  And it is all because I worked out how I got here.

If you are interested in my personal Blog which is not all about my anxiety disorder, feel free to visit:

http://a-reasonable-man.blogspot.com/

In this post I will list common beliefs that people with social anxiety or Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) often have. I will then try to suggest a more rational alternative for each of those beliefs. Acknowledging the alternative beliefs and proving their validity to yourself may be beneficial.

Belief 1

“The world is generally a hostile place. People will hurt me if they have the chance.”

How deeply do you believe in that? Don’t try to rationalize, just think of the world and your view of it. People with Social Anxiety or with AvPD are often driven by that view of the world.

A rational replacement 1:

Think of the people you know in real life: Old friends, friends of your family, colleagues, fellow students, neighbors and others. Don’t try to focus just on the ones who had hurt you before, but on everyone else.

How many of these people are nice? How many are cruel? You should generally find out that while you can’t be loved by everyone, most people will not be hostile or hurtful. Their default behavior is being open minded and nice, because they want the other person to have the same attitude towards them. Also, they have no reason to hurt you.

You should find that the following alternative view of the world is better than the original one:

“Most people are nice, and will not try to hurt me unless they are very angry at me. If they are hateful towards me they are probably hateful towards many and it’s their problem more than anything else.”

Belief 2

“In the past I had interacted with people and they had ridiculed me. This must not happen again.”

You have been in a situation where you were in the center of attention and where something you have done has been evaluated badly by others. In everything you do now, you are driven to avoid these situations from happening again at almost all costs.

A rational replacement 2

Like any person on earth, you have too experienced shame and embarrassment. You should acknowledge that whenever people are socializing there is a small chance that anyone of them will do or say something that will cause the others to badly evaluate them, even laugh at them.

You should realize that everyone has experienced this feeling, but most people will not avoid social situations just because that chance exists. The chance that people will think better of them because of something they will say or do is just as likely.

“It is OK to be badly evaluated from time to time, even if it feels like I’m being ridiculed. It happens to everyone.”

Belief 3

“My social skills are poor. I am prone to negative evaluation by others”

People with social anxiety or AvPD think that when they are first evaluated by other people, their lack of social skills shows immediately and it leads to bad evaluation.

A rational replacement 3

Not all people have superior social skills and endless charm. Most people are somewhere in the middle. When people communicate they don’t focus exclusively on the other person’s social skills. They are occupied with their image as well and with the actual content of the conversation. Even if they notice inept social skills, they are not likely to label you or think badly of you. They will probably think you’re just a bit shy or introverted or maybe stressed out about something else that has nothing to do with them.

“There is a wide spectrum of social skills. People don’t expect everyone to have great social skills, and they are aware of their own social skills as much as they are aware of mine”

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